The Long-Overdue Spiritual Awakening

His so-called “zen” perspective on life
is what I despise most of all.

If a tree falls on my house
I want a little sympathy, maybe even
someone to say, “Damn that storm anyway.”

I will not need
some cryptic flapdoodle about rivers
of change and possessions growing
wings just to flap the hell away.

Tony owns his robes and that’s about it.
Yes, also the bottle opener shaped like a Bud Lite.

When I need advice from a monk like Tony
I’ll turn on the Monk Advice Channel.

Till then, what I want from a friend
is someone to throw rocks
at the clouds with me.